For those who don't know I was raised in a non religious home and it wasn't until my teen years that I began to get involved with church. I stayed with the faith through most of my adult life. One of the biggest things I miss about my time as a Christian was the belief that I was serving God and I made an effort to bring glory to God in everything I do.
I had a falling out with my church a few years ago when a friend of mine was injured while doing volunteer work for them. Instead of behaving like I felt they should, they responded to his injuries the way a business would and that did not sit well with me. So I quit going to church. Of course you can't blame the actions of one single church and lay it at the footsteps of the whole faith, I just never quite got over it and did not seek out a new house of worship.
Two years later I became friends with a few atheists and began to take a look into the things I believed. It was an intense traumatic experience for me as my faith was a central core of who I was. Eventually I came out as an atheist. I no longer believed in God. About a year after that a bunch of people were posting their deconversion stories and I uploaded mine. It was 54 minutes and it was very in depth. I later took the video down as I did not want my video to be responsible for anyone else's separation from God.
In the years that followed I made several new friends as sadly most of my old Christian friends no longer came around. I found organizations to help out such as Doctors Without Borders and for a while life was good. However, I have been feeling as of late that there is a Christ centered hole in me. There is something missing and I am confused on how to fill it.
Can I go back? Returning to my Christian faith would be difficult for me as I feel I know too much. I don't think I could sit through a lesson on Noah and the Ark, or Jonah, or any of the other acts of miracles from the Bible. I don't think going to a liberal church, where they view things like creation as a parable, would work for me. If I were to go I would have to go all in. I don't know how to do that.
Part of me wants to believe in God and the Bible again, but I truly don't know how I could. I don't know what the answers are.
I had a falling out with my church a few years ago when a friend of mine was injured while doing volunteer work for them. Instead of behaving like I felt they should, they responded to his injuries the way a business would and that did not sit well with me. So I quit going to church. Of course you can't blame the actions of one single church and lay it at the footsteps of the whole faith, I just never quite got over it and did not seek out a new house of worship.
Two years later I became friends with a few atheists and began to take a look into the things I believed. It was an intense traumatic experience for me as my faith was a central core of who I was. Eventually I came out as an atheist. I no longer believed in God. About a year after that a bunch of people were posting their deconversion stories and I uploaded mine. It was 54 minutes and it was very in depth. I later took the video down as I did not want my video to be responsible for anyone else's separation from God.
In the years that followed I made several new friends as sadly most of my old Christian friends no longer came around. I found organizations to help out such as Doctors Without Borders and for a while life was good. However, I have been feeling as of late that there is a Christ centered hole in me. There is something missing and I am confused on how to fill it.
Can I go back? Returning to my Christian faith would be difficult for me as I feel I know too much. I don't think I could sit through a lesson on Noah and the Ark, or Jonah, or any of the other acts of miracles from the Bible. I don't think going to a liberal church, where they view things like creation as a parable, would work for me. If I were to go I would have to go all in. I don't know how to do that.
Part of me wants to believe in God and the Bible again, but I truly don't know how I could. I don't know what the answers are.
